Nervous

So as I approach 30 weeks of my pregnancy, I'm getting a tad nervous. I'm not really nervous about the whole labor thing as far as contractions, pain, etc. go...but I'm nervous about possible birth trauma with this child. I know it sounds weird, but once you've had a baby that has suffered quite a bit of birth trauma that led to the majority of their first year in and out of specialists, it's something you'll never get over.

I was really praying and hoping that this little girl would be just that...little. Well it doesn't look like she's going to be that. In fact, I'm starting to worry she may be bigger than her brother. It makes no sense. I gained 52 lbs with Carter and with this one I've gained only 20 lbs so far and I'm really trying hard not to gain more than another 5 lbs or so. But when I had an ultrasound done the other day to check her size, she was estimated at 3 lbs 9 0z give or take 5 oz either way. She measured in the 76th percentile with the 50th percentile being average. Are you kidding me?! From here on out an average baby gains about 1/2 lb a week. If you do the math based on my ultrasound at 29 weeks, that's another 5 1/2 lbs. And that's an AVERAGE baby. So there is quite a good possibility that I'm looking at having another 9 pounder.

With that said, I now have to go into my OBs office and beg and plead for him to induce me at 37 or 38 weeks if the baby is looking healthy and all that. I was induced at 39 weeks with Carter and he was still 9 lbs 6 oz. It's not that I'm impatient, it's just that I think it's much healthier for me and the baby to induce a couple weeks early (and it's really not considered early once they're term) than take the chance of birth trauma or a c-section. I know women have birthed bigger babies than Carter, but apparently my body was not designed for a baby that big. Because aside from his trauma, my eyes swelled shut from pushing so hard and let's just say I was in A LOT of pain for a few weeks afterward.

On another note, I'm nervous about my maternity leave. Most women get to take their maternity leave from their jobs and not have to think about anything other than getting adjusted to their new baby. Well that's not the case here. I work for family and I play a huge role in running our semi truck dealership. A lot of people think I just sell trucks, but that is far from reality. On top of being a sales person, I manage our mechanic and have to instruct him on his daily duties, I have to order parts for trucks, I have to arrange moving trucks, I have to arrange getting trucks in and out of our detail shop, I arrange getting trucks in and out of the tire and body shop, I take care of listing our trucks for sale on the internet and making all changes to our ad, and basically anything that is involved in getting our trucks from the place we bought them to our front line. It's A LOT of responsibility. And it's not just something that can be shrugged off on someone else. To put the icing on the cake, we just agreed to purchase 150 trucks from a dealer in WI and we'll be getting in about 25 trucks a month from now until the end of the year. And that's just on that one package of trucks.

It was hard for me to detach from my job when I had Carter and my responsibilities are about 10 fold from what they were then to what they are now. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm nervous. Really nervous. How do I just pass that kind of responsibility off on someone else?

Oh yeah and did I mention I'm a tad nervous about having 2 kids?! Carter isn't exactly to the stage that he's very independent considering he'll be 21 months old when his sister is born. He still wants my full attention every second that he's awake and if I don't give it to him, he gets upset. This may be a problem when it's not just him anymore. Hopefully he'll make a radical change in the next 2 months and he'll become understanding and be able to self entertain better. Ha! Fat chance!!

Anyway, that's my sob story for the week. Maybe now that I got it out, I'll be able to relax a bit.